The Freakin’ Friend Zone—
The Freakin’ Friend Zone—
A long time ago, someone used to tell me,
“Oh, Richard, you’re such a sap! You’re sweet and a big catch. Any girl would be lucky to have you.”
This person would tell me this explicitly and very often. At the time, I hated it.
I thought to myself,
“Why would anybody say that to me of all people?”
It was just one of those,
“If I’m such a catch then why fjlkdajglajlfa” kind of thing.
I know myself like the back of my hand. So, no, I’m not any of those things. I don’t like being told things that aren’t true.
I also don’t like reading all this lovey dovey crap I see all over the internet: Couples swooning over each other, so dependent on each other for happiness and love and then what? You break up and then you make up and then you break up again and then you make up again and then it goes back and forth until you realize how everything was starting to become so redundant.
Is that really how relationships work? I’m not a relationship guru, but I don’t think that’s how it should be. It’s recipe for a disaster. Then again, I wouldn’t know how it feels like to be in that position because I never have been, and I never want to. You either stay or you go.
I guess everything that person had said to me was overplayed and overused, and I felt like it didn’t mean a thing.
Maybe I’m just bitter. Forgive me.
- You can’t hold them, hug them, kiss them, heck.. you can’t even touch them.
- Your heart hurts because you can’t physically be there for them or wipe their tears when they’re feeling down.
- You can’t cook for them or bring them food when they’re hungry.
- You can’t take cute pictures with them.
- You can’t fully protect them.
- The only ways you can communicate with them is through texting, webcamming, and phone calls.
- You can’t go on a legit date.
- No physical bonding. No leaning on the shoulder. No holding hands.
- You’re worried that they could be seeing someone else because you’re never with them, so you wouldn’t know.
- If you were in a real relationship, then you’d know that you’re in like/love, not lust. The feelings are genuine. You’re not totally in like/love with them just for their looks. You actually have feelings for them through the many nights you’ve talked to them on the phone, through the hours of the day that you’ve spent texting them, and through the many hilarious moments you’ve watched them do something stupid on webcam.
- It may be hard sometimes, but you know it’s serious when you develop one of the most important things in a relationship. Trust.
- Communication is your strongest chain. If you were in a true long distance relationship, both persons would know to never take granted of the constant texting and phone calls.
- You have something to look for every morning, and something to dream about every night. You’re a day closer to the day when you can finally have them in your arms again.
We all are curious of our partner’s past. We want to know all their previous relationships, and especially the serious ones. But too much attention to this subject is dangerous. It breeds worry, comparisons, and ultimately conflict. You are not in competition with past partners — and they won’t be a part of your relationship unless your feelings let them in.
I thought I could handle being friends with you, but I can't. Okay, now we agreed the other night that we can't spend time together. I think that was the right call.
But that was in a romantic way. We can still spend time together as friends.
It doesn't work that way. You can't just chop up the aspects of a relationship into discreet parts and select the ones you want like a buffet.
Because it's selfish.
How to Get Over a Girl—
Sometimes partners find us, and as much as we try to push them away, they work their way into our lives, regardless - until we finally realize how much we need them.
Whenever I wanna feel sad, happy, dancy, upbeat, mellow, or whatever, I listen to music. It’s the only thing that gives me reassurance. It provides me with consistency. The thing about music is that it isn’t scary. It doesn’t make me feel insecure or afraid. I know what I’ll get when I put on my headphones.
But being with someone is totally different. You can never rely on someone to be your constant, because you’re going to wake up someday and realize that the reassurance and consistency you once had will be gone. You’ll question your relationship and the inconsistencies and the flaws. You’ll wonder what went wrong. And after it’s all over, you’ll be flooded with insecurities, memories, depression, and loneliness.
In the end, I just have my music and that keeps me sane.
Who’s to say what works? You find somebody you like and you roll the dice. It’s all anybody can do.
And I know that there’s something wrong. You know, that I can’t keep living like this.. that there’s gotta be something more to love than commitment.