I always feel like a freak because I’m never able to move on like this. People just have an affair, or even entire relationships… they break up and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals. I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with… because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved… because it hurts too much. I see little details in them, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

In the moment I remember thinking that it didn’t much matter the ‘Who’ of it all. Nobody is gonna be everything to you, and that ultimately it’s just a simple action of committing yourself, meeting your responsibilities that matters. I mean, what is love if it’s not respect, trust, admiration? And I felt all those things. So cut to the present tense: I feel like I’m running a small nursery with somebody I used to date.

I mean, I always feel like a freak because I’m never able to move on like this! You know? People just have an affair or even…entire relationships…they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person have…their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship when it ends really damages me; I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved because…it hurts too much! Even getting laid - I actually don’t do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I’m obsessed with little things. Maybe I’m crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk or ants crossing the road the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk…little things. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

I don’t have any permanent place here. You know, in eternity, or whatever. And the more I think that, I can’t go through life saying that this is no big deal. I mean, this is it! This is actually happening. What do you think is interesting, what do you think is funny, what do you think is important? You know, every day is our last.